Acceptance
Acceptance Allows Change
There is nothing to celebrate about morally distressing experiences. Yet? When we can’t acknowledge the truth of what actually happened and how it affects us, we add suffering to our situation. Giving voice to painful situations and their consequences can initially be very painful, as feelings, unmet needs, and violated values we have tried to hide, deny or repress come to life. The alternative is to keep these painful aspects of your moral distress hidden. What is the cost?
What is acceptance?
Actively embracing the present moment just as it is (Hayes et al., 2011)
Letting go of the struggle to avoid or get rid of painful thoughts and feelings
Not the same as liking the situation, agreeing with it, or judging it as fair
Not resignation or giving up on change
Why is acceptance important?
Fighting against psychological pain often intensifies suffering and keeps us stuck
Accepting reality frees up energy to focus on what we can control in the present
Crucial first step in making meaningful changes and moving forward. "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”--Dr. Carl Rogers
How to practice acceptance:
One way to think of yourself is as an expanding balloon (Hayes, 2019). At the edge of the balloon is a zone of growth where the same questions keep being asked; Are you big enough to have this? No matter how big you get, you can always get bigger. When an issue presents itself, the same question keeps being asked and you say yes or no. If you say no, you get smaller. If you say yes, you get bigger. If you keep on answering yes, it doesn’t necessarily get any easier because the issues that show up may seem just as difficult as earlier ones. Saying yes does become more of habit however, and your experience provides a reservoir of strength for you and those you love.
Remember: Acceptance takes practice, especially with intense moral distress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself in the process.
In the words of the serenity prayer: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference." (Wilson & Cohen, 2015)
For Further Exploration:
Struggle Switch--Russ Harris
https://www.tarabrach.com/books/radical-acceptance/
https://stevenchayes.com/the-bittersweet-art-of-acceptance-2/
Chodron, P. (2000). When things fall apart: Heart advice for difficult times. Shambhala
References:
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Hayes, S. (2019). A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Toward What Matters. New York: Avery.
Smith-MacDonald L., Lusk J., Lee-Baggley D., Bright K., Laidlaw A., Voth M., Spencer S., Cruikshank E., Pike A., Jones C., Bremault-Phillips S. (2022). Companions in the Abyss: A Feasibility and Acceptability Study of an Online Therapy Group for Healthcare Providers Working During the COVID-19 Pandemic. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12: 801680.
Wilson, B., & Cohen, B. (2015). The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Courier Dover Publications.